Father Advice to Son Funny Quotes
"You can tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out." —Jerry Seinfeld.This is definitely a dad quote many fathers can relate to.
"When you're young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape." —Dave Attell.Dads are still our superheroes though—and they deserve a thoughtful gift on Father's Day.
"I gave my father $100 and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother." —Rita Rudner.Don't miss these father-daughter quotes that perfectly capture your special bond.
"My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic." —Bob Odenkirk.Need a Father's Day gift ASAP? Check out these fabulous last-minute Father's Day gifts.
"Even though I'm proud my dad invented the rearview mirror, we're not as close as we appear." —Stewart Francis.Need more dad-quote inspiration? These father-son quotes will do the trick.
"Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business." —Jimmy Fallon.Don't forget to celebrate your father-in-law on Father's Day by getting him one of these great father-in-law gifts.
"Me and my dad used to play tag. He'd drive." —Rodney Dangerfield.Need something to do with Dad on Father's Day? Stream these Father's Day movies and have a movie marathon.
"We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'" —Erma Bombeck. Show your husband just how much you care with these Father's Day quotes for husbands.
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children." —Clarence Darrow.Celebrate your grandfather on Father's Day by giving him one of these lovely gifts for grandfathers.
"Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions. Four-year-old: Why?" —James Breakwell.These funny parenting tweets will have you laughing out loud in no time.
"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." —Mark Twain.Bookmark these great Father's Day gift baskets, which make the perfect presents.
"Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of Ikea cabinets." —John Kinnear
"Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch." —Jon Stewart
"Remember: What Dad really wants is a nap. Really." —Dave Barry
"I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say, 'Yeah? When?'" —Bill Hicks
"Men should always change diapers. It's a very rewarding experience. It's mentally cleansing. It's like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes." —Chris Martin
"I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable, I'd be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and, like, a cage across his face mask." —Will Arnett
"When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.'" —Jerry Lewis
"Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up." —Ray Romano
"Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks." —Jim Gaffigan
"A father carries pictures where his money used to be." —Steve Martin
"To be a successful father, there's one absolute rule: When you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years." —Ernest Hemingway
"My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family." —Jeff Foxworthy
"Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain." —Martin Mull
"Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24 to 36 hours." —Conan O'Brien
"I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war." —George W. Bush
"My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic." —Spike Milligan
"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong." —Charles Wadsworth
"Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows." —Al Unser
"The worst part about being a parent is when one of your kids farts and you have to pretend it wasn't cool." —Rob Delaney
"The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get." —Tim Russert
"I rescind my early statement, 'I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.' I hadn't met my daughter yet." —Dax Shepard
"On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven visiting Daddy's freedom." —Ryan Reynolds
Now that you've gotten your fill of funny Father's Day quotes, check out these funny mom quotes that are way too relatable.
Originally Published: April 21, 2022
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Source: https://www.rd.com/list/funny-fathers-day-quotes/
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